Gender based violence survivor speaks out!
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With this violent against woman going on, I look back and say I am lucky, had I not gathered the courage to walk away from my parents ‘s yard to the grave. They would have buried me and my son could have been an orphan by now.
We met 10 years ago, while still in high school, he was my perfect prince, the father of my kids, my future husband. Life was great and he treated me like a princess. My life was a perfect a fairy tale. Things changed in our second year dating, he started to abuse me emotionally and he would swear at me and sometimes threatened to lay a hand on me .I thought everything will be okay.
I loved him and was not willing to let other girls take my man away from my heart. I took an oath to myself that for as long as my heart still beats for him I will be patient and he will change.
Things got worse I would find used condoms at his place and I remember when I confronted him he become so angry and started beating me up. I had to be the one to apologies even though the fault was his. The love I had for him was unconditionally and extraordinary.
I had to do everything and say anything that will make him forgive me as if it was fault. Love is blind and the feelings you have towards your other half are inexplicable and out of this world.
Then I discovered I was pregnant, I told him about the pregnancy and to my surprise he was excited, over the moon, I saw the love he still had for me something I had seen in a while. Maybe this baby will bring a change in our relationship.
But to my aghast the leopard didn’t loose its spot. We were back to square one his cheating… we were arguing next thing I was on the floor being beaten… I lost my baby, he killed my baby. I went home sent a message told him this is not life it’s over and he said okay not once did he say I’m sorry for your miscarriage
Life was difficult as I still loved him. A week later he sent a message which said ‘baby I miss you so much and I can’t live without you, I will change and love you and only you’. My heart melted as he knew which buttons to press. I forgave him.
We were picking up the pieces, life seemed good, and he was getting there. Months went by I fell pregnant again. We did the test together, things were good between us. My belly was growing loved every moment of it. Things changed when I was 6 months, the emotional abuse started, the cheating to the point he would allow his girlfriends to swear me on the phone.
He was abusing me physically also to the point that my blood pressure was sky high I was all swollen up because of all the stress and he didn’t care. I had to deliver my baby early due to complications, he was so tiny yet so full of life.
He was supportive for the first 2 months after that he got a new girlfriend, whenever I wanted staff for the baby he would tell me he would buy them when and if he fills like it and I would hear the girlfriend laughing in the back… my heart broke, I was not working, I couldn’t ask my parents for help luckily my sister saw I was struggling without asking me anything she bought a whole lot of baby staff. My heart melted at least now I didn’t have to do washing every second day.
When my baby was 3 months I had to take there, I knew I was going to hell but because they had to perform traditional rituals I had to go. When I went there I realize I did not love this man anymore in fact I hated him. We slept over, in the morning I got a call from a guy who was asking me out, we spoke for over 10 minutes after I put the phone down there he was hitting me and kicking me resulting in my operation to swell and my precious baby just lying there crying, his grandmother came in and calm the situation and he apologized.
I forgave him, I had to accept the situation there was another girl, I was in an abusive relationship and I was not working. Months went by he told me he had broken up with the girl and wanted us to be a family and I said ok. Things were okay. I went back to my old job I didn’t bother him anymore, I mean my heart didn’t beat for him anymore I was just there because I felt I had to sacrifice my happiness in order for my son to grow up with both parents.
My son was 9 months he knew we were coming to his house when I came there I found him in bed with another woman, I lost it, I knew right there that this man had absolute no respect for me while fighting he hit me in front of this girl. It crazy but after a week I forgave him. I was in so called relationship with this man who financially supported our child when he felt like it, he was abusive and cheating. Some days I thought of poisoning him, I wanted him to die.
I stayed in this love less relationship till my son was 3 years, he had asked me to get the money for my son to go to the doctor, I was lying in bed when he received a call and it was his girlfriend they were talking as if I was not there telling her how much he loved her I woke up and slapped him across his face , I was so angry why would he disrespect me this way, he jumped off the bed started kicking me and I managed to wake up, took a mop and hit him on his head until it broke this time around I didn’t care I had lost all respect for him. I was on the floor again this time I was unconscious but I got up everything was just black I was running for the gate,
I opened the gate I really don’t know how as everything was black I walked down the road then I saw light my son was running after me, I was walking in one shoe, my hair a mess, my face all swollen up. I asked a neighbor to please give him me bus fare money, I went to the police station, where they told me we will not arrest him sis but instead we will serve him a court order and I looked at the police officer with the one opened eye and said to her while you serving him with a court order he will be coming after me to kill me and she said well that how the system works. I said okay can someone take me there to fetch my staff, they took me there and to my surprise his whole family was siding with him telling me why I brought the police, well this man has been abusing me in front of them for whole 7 years and today they hate me for doing the right thing.
My son is 5 years today but he wants nothing to do with that man he says mummy I don’t want to go and see daddy because he is going to hit you. I don’t love him mummy. To this day this man keeps asking for forgiveness tells me how much he misses us. Well I have finally moved on with my life and have met a wonderful man who understands me, love me even when I think I am not worthy to be loved. He is proof that good man still exist.