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Funny Jokes Of The Day

Doracollinz20 06/25/2020

1. A stranger walks up to an Egyptian man at the Cairo bazaar and offers to sell him contraband Viagra for 100 Egyptian pounds.

The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth it."

The stranger says, "How about 20?"

The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth it."

The stranger says, "How about 10?"

The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth it."

The stranger says, "Listen, these pills cost $10 each in the U.S. How can you say they're not worth it?"

The Egyptian man says, "Oh, the pills are worth it -- my wife isn't."

2. A man went to Reddington Hospital in Victoria Island Lagos and saw a card advertising for a Gynaecologist's Assistant. Interested, he went in and asked the clerk for details. The clerk pulled up the file and read:

"The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynaecologist. You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off their pubic hair, then rub in soothing oils so they're ready for the gynaecologist's examination. The annual salary is N4.2million, and if you're interested you'll have to go to Badagry."

"My God! Is that where the job is?" asked the man.

She answered, "No sir, that's where the end of the queue is."

2. I it was Christmas Eve.

A woman came home to her husband after a day of busy shopping.

Later on that night when she was getting undressed for bed, he noticed a mark on the inside of her leg.

"What is that?" he asked.

She said, "I visited the tattoo parlor today. On the inside of one leg I had them tattoo 'Merry Christmas,' and on the inside of the other one they tattooed 'Happy New Year.'"

Perplexed, he asked, "Why did you do that?"

"Well," she replied, "now you can't complain that there's never anything to eat between Christmas and New Years!

4.During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question, "Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"

Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee."

The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Peter, how would you say it?"

Peter said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?"

Little Johnny replied, "I would say: 'Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner."

The teacher fainted.

5. If over 15 guys have sucked your breasts, you don't need to call those things "Your breast", It's call COW BELL, OUR MILK!

Repeat after me, OUR MILK!

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6. After 35 years, mailman George decides to retire. On his last day, he makes his usual rounds.

When he arrives at the first house, the whole family comes out, congratulates him, and sends him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.

At the second house, they present him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house hand him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the next house, he is met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She takes him by the hand and leads him up to the bedroom, where she blows his mind with the most passionate sex he has ever experienced.

When done, they go downstairs, where she fixes him a giant breakfast. As she pours him a cup of coffee, he notices a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup’s bottom edge.

“All this is just too wonderful for words,” he says, “but what’s the dollar for?”

“Well,” she says, “last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day and that I wanted to do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, ‘Screw him. Give him a dollar.’ But breakfast was my idea.”

7. James was complaining to his boss about the problems he was having with his stubborn wife.

"She gets me so angry sometimes I could hit her!" James exclaimed."

"Well, I'll tell you what I used to do with my wife" replied the boss. "Whenever she got out of hand, I'd take her pants down and spank her."

Shaking his head, James replied, "I've tried that, it doesn't work for me. Once I get her pants down I'm not mad anymore."

Source: opera.com
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