Funny jokes that will make your day awesome.
1: A man died and went to Heaven. As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, ''Why all the clocks?''
St. Peter answered, ''Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone who has ever been on earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock move.''
''Oh'', said the man. ''Whose clock is that?''
''That's Mother Teresa's.'' replied St. Peter. ''The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.''
''Incredible!'', said the man. ''And whose clock is that one?''
St. Peter responded, ''That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved Twice, telling us that Abraham told only two lies in his entire life.''
''Where are the clocks of the Ghanaian PRESIDENT AND Nigerian PRESIDENT?'' asked the man.
St Peter replied, "They are in the office. We're using them as ceiling fans."
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2: When I was a kid, my dad bought a new car and drove us to church one Sunday. It was a prophetic service and our pastor was being used by God that day to deliver people from poverty. Suddenly, our pastor looked at my dad
and said, "Daddy Vicky, God is set to bless you!"
My mum jumped up and shouted excitedly, "Amen!!!"
My dad was excited too. The pastor then came closer, placed his hand on my dad's head and prayed for him. As our pastor turned to climb the alter, God told him something. He stopped, looked at my dad and said, "Daddy Vicky, you bought a new car last week?"
"Yes sir." my dad responded with much surprise on his face.
Then our pastor said, "God said I should tell you to sow your CAR KEY into my life."
I was shocked that my dad did not argue with the pastor, he just put his hand in his pocket, brought out the car key and gave to our pastor.
After about 5 minutes, my dad stood up, went outside the church, he didn't even wait till the end of the service. I could see him boarding an Okada going home. "He must be very worried." I reasoned in utter fear and confusion.
After a while, he returned to church with the SPARE KEY of his car and drove the car back to the house. I was so stunned at what I was seeing. When I asked him why he acted that way he.said, "Vicky, use your brain, the pastor asked for the KEY and NOT the CAR."
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