8 Things To Understand About Marriage
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So many people don’t really know what they are getting into when it comes to marriage. We all have ideas of what marriage is all about but not all of us grasp what marriage is all about. This is because we all base our expectations on our own imaginations and fantasies of what we want marriage to be based on what we see in social medias or even what we see happening around us. But we don’t really know until we are there, do we?
There are so many things about marriage that can only be understood only when we get into it, because there things that can never fully be imagined until we get to find ourselves in them. Marriage involves more than love and the happy moments that we see.
Let’s discuss some of the things I have learned about marriage:-
1. Marriage requires one to learn how to communicate
Not everybody finds it easy to confide in someone about what is happing in our lives. But with marriage, it will require you to be ready to talk about your beliefs, ideas, opinions and feelings with your spouse. We can’t expect our spouse to figure out our desires and exactly what we want or even think, if we don’t tell them. Communication is the lifeline between two people and there is no way around it. And also this comes with a responsibility for not just speaking out but also how you say it. This includes your tone, body language, sarcasm and all that can pass any negative or positive information to your spouse.
2. Marriage requires one to learn the meaning of forgiveness
We all agree that no one is perfect and that we all make mistakes at some point both knowingly and unknowingly. And with all certainty of being wounded and deeply hurt, comes the reality that we will have to learn forgiveness. And the big lesson that comes with forgiveness is that true forgiveness comes not because the person standing before you is deserving, rather it comes out of a heart that understand how much we have also been forgiven even though we were undeserving.
3. Marriage is more intimate than sex
When it comes to marriage and intimacy, most people only tend to think of sex. But the truth is, as much as we value closeness within the sexual relationship, a good marriage is what makes for good sex and not the other way around. The real intimacy comes with marriage where one agrees to commit to this one person for the rest of their lives. This is because one allows the other person to look deeper inside their lives, their mind, their heart and their very soul and this is what is called true intimacy.
4. Marriage requires one to learn how to be selfishness
Most people don’t know how selfish they are until they get into marriage. From the small things we do like choosing what to eat, who gets the remote, where to go for a vacation, to the most significant things like apologizing and putting your spouse’s needs before your own. This goes hand in hand with being selflessness, which is willing to make sacrifices to make your spouse happy.
5. At some point in marriage, you will be disappointed
This is a hard truth that most people don’t really want to accept when they are getting into marriage. We are all human, but for some reason this truth doesn’t really hit home until disappointment hits home. We can all agree that two people who love each other can also hurt each other deeply. This is because, when we allow someone to bury their hearts in ours, there is no doubt that one day we will experience an ache. This can be inform of an unkind word, a thoughtless action or selfish moment, and trust me when this happens marriage will hurt. Therefore, forgiveness is the only remedy that can restore that marriage and allowing ourselves to heal the wounds which are the reminder of our need to love better and more deeply.
6. Marriage will cost you
When one gets married, the bitter truth is that they always tend to lose a part of themselves. This is because you tend to exchange a little bit of who you are for a little bit of who your spouse is. This happens when sometimes we accept to make compromises in marriage. You must learn to let go of those things that don’t really matter and also learn to give as well as to take among other things. And at the end you will end up realizing that what you have given is less than what you have ultimately received.
7. Marriage brings out the meaning of oneness
In most weddings, we here the phrase “and now you have become one” but the big question is, have you ever tried to sit and really think what the phrase ultimately means. I bet not. In marriage, you learn to let go of the “mine and your” because everything becomes “ours”. This is something hard but something really beautiful also. But the truth is that, at the end of the day what we are calling “ours” is actually his.
8. When it comes to marriage, love isn’t a feeling but a series of decisions
Before marriage, most of us don’t really comprehend the strong feelings going anywhere but higher. Then boom, a day comes and you realize that feelings can’t really be trusted. This is because there comes those days that you will even feel you may not even like each other. And one thing we really need to understand about feelings is that they come and they also go. They can at some point be used as a guide, but you should understand that they are never to be followed. The test of true love is what you actually do when you don’t feel like loving. Marriage is constantly choosing to love, to give, to forgive and serve as per the commitment you made when you decided to get married. It is choosing the other instead of choosing yourself.
Marriages are like cocktails, select the right ingredients and you get a masterpiece. You choose the wrong ones and you get drunk.